2020–Refusing to give up, Refusing to give in

2020 started well enough and things seemed to be going really well. I’m sure we can all agree that there were some challenges already heading into this year, but for the most part, we knew what to expect on a daily basis. Routines and such might get off track, but we would rally on. We had schedules and races on the horizon. I enjoyed the Cold Mountain 50K in the winter up in North Carolina and thought that was only the beginning of a stellar year of racing. All of a sudden, life was brought to a screeching halt by a thing called Covid-19.

I really appreciated the response from my church as they gave us a spectrum ranging from fear to arrogance on which to find ourselves. We were encouraged to be introspective and try to be somewhere in the middle. It was tough to do at a time when there was so much uncertainty and not knowing what each day would bring. I decided to find that middle ground where I would not live daily in fear and I would not be arrogant enough to think that what was happening wasn’t real. I needed to give others space to grieve, think, and work their own way through the current situation. It was very easy to live in fear because we have a child who has a history of being hospitalized with asthma and allergies. It could also be easy to live on the side of arrogance because we are also very healthy and there haven’t been issues with Jeffrey‘s asthma in many years. From a personal standpoint, I needed to make the decision to be a good wife, mother, and friend, and refuse to give in to the daily narrative. I understand why people really disagreed with the idea of being out running when the news of Covid first began. Again, I did not want to live in fear or in arrogance. We (my close running buddies and I) needed those days spent in the forest. I would hear stories from friends about the wonderful things their time in nature did for their health and mentality. Yes, the trails were getting busy, so we found others where we would not come in contact with crowds. I came to the conclusion that I just needed to take things day by day with the refusal to give up and refusing to give in to any negativity. Life was going to look different and we had no control over that.

I continued to stay on the training schedule that my coach, Matt, set up for me in hopes that I would still be running Hellbender 100 and Western States. Well, both were canceled and/or postponed. While this could have completely thrown me into orbit, I decided to stay on the training schedule for fitness purposes. I also wanted to stay healthy, structured, and not overdo it. Most of my runs were in my own neighborhood, local trails where barely anyone frequented, and the Foothills Trail for my longer weekend runs. Weekly mileage has ranged anywhere from 35 to 55 miles, and I am so happy I kept up with it because it really helped the weeks go by and I had goals set each week ahead of time. I did the Yeti 50K 24-hour challenge in my neighborhood and had some very kind friends (thanks Tim and Alex!) join me for some of those miles.

My friend Will and I ran the Laurel Valley section of the Foothills Trail (East Coast vs. West Coast 50K) with Alex Ball and Josh Robinson meeting us at the end. I also got to crew for Alex as he ran his own 50 mile day on the Foothills Trail.

Eventually, I signed up for The Longest Day 100K and had an amazing (and hot) day with my husband and friends. I ended up as the last female standing with over 54 miles! Every time I was able to get out and complete some sort of challenge, I gained more appreciation of the running community, as well as my family‘s patience.

I decided to sign up for H9 50 mile after realizing that I had gotten in a whole lot of climbing over the course of the spring and summer. I have done some hard races in the past and this one seemed like one that I would really appreciate. I felt super confident in my power hiking, and really wanted to improve on my heat running nutrition. It was nice to get some input going into the race (ask questions, people!). I asked previous winners for their words of wisdom, and got some very good advice.

I drove to Vogel State Park on Friday the 7th (first time I've ever seen it in daylight) and set up my car camping site. Jenny B. and Cera were staying right across from me, so there was some comfort that I'd wake up on time in the morning. I met the RD, Perry, as well as some wonderful ladies that night. We sat, talked, and had some good laughs. I needed the girl time badly and it probably showed.

Permission to slow down

Saturday morning, I got up and immediately felt terribly dis-oriented. Did I need to put contacts in? No, I slept with them in. Where was my watch? What shoes did I want to wear?

Slow down. Pray. Stretch. Deep breaths.

Now that God and I were straight, I was able to continue and make decisions. Knowing that the day was going to be warm and humid, I reached for my Salty Britches ointment and began to apply it pretty much everywhere (out of fear of severe chafing, naturally). I got all my stuff together and drove to the main parking lot, checked in, and said hi and good luck to some runners I greatly admire. We started in waves of four at a time, and up the road we went.

I wish I had a bunch of stories to tell about the run itself. In a nutshell, it was very hard. The aid station volunteers were stellar, to say the least. I attempted to get pictures along the way, but the first time I tried, I suffered an epic fall and now I will have a scar on my left knee to match the one on the right (but my phone didn't shatter, yay!). I waited until 30 miles in to start listening to music and totally forgot that I had NeedToBreathe's "Multiplied" on my playlist. I immediately began praying for people on the course, especially those who were really struggling. I got really emotional as I began to find my legs again, and started repeating to myself: Permission to slow down.

I would repeat that mantra every time I started to get overzealous on either the uphills or the downhills. I knew I might be getting ahead of myself when I reached Fish Gap AS for the 2nd time. I was feeling a tiny bit incoherent and was probably a bit overheated. The guys there were so kind to me and so encouraging! I left there with a bag of ice and Jeff, who was working on a little project for Jason Green (who ended up getting his 5-year H9 jacket!!) We ran together for a bit, and I would've talked the poor guy's ears off had he stayed with me. I mean, it was getting pretty lonely out there!

There were a couple of hours out there when I got a bit scared. The thunder from the impending storm was super loud, and I just kept on climbing and climbing more toward it. Eventually, though, the most wonderful rain came and I loved every second of it. I wore the goofiest smile on my face, as I thought of all the recent trail runs I had been on with friends and all we did was wish the rain would dump on us and cool us off. I felt like I had new legs.

Again: Permission to slow down

And sing. Loudly. Surely there was no one near enough to hear me, ha! As I neared the top of the mountain about 48 miles in, I started feeling pretty weary of it all. The finish seemed so far away and I felt super tired from the climb. Eventually, I made it to the Wolf Creek/Wolf Pen Gap Rd. intersection. This is where I was supposed to go directly across the street toward the H9 sign and the trail leading down to Vogel. Michelle had told me to remember this! Instead, I took a left back onto Coosa Backcountry Trail. I went down almost a 1/2 mile before pulling out my phone to see that I had gone the wrong way. Historically, I've done pretty well at races where I've gone off course, so I figured it wasn't a huge loss. I went back to the road, and made a right. No. That's not it. I turned around and went down Wolf Pen Gap Rd. I looked up Brad Goodridge's number and called him. I'm so glad I had reception! He helped me get back on track, and just as I lost him, I found the trail. I had taken a quick look at the H9 sign about 10 minutes prior but didn't look further to see the flags. Oh well, not my first facepalm moment, and certainly not my last.

I didn't make it in 12 hours, but I was super thrilled with 12:18! It brought to light how racing can really mimic life in some ways. Like our lives in 2020, my race got slightly derailed in the last few miles. I lost my way more than once and had to try to not despair in those moments of frustration. It all seems so fitting now, in a time when I'm trying manage things in life and not succeeding the entire way. I'm learning to give myself more grace.

Thank you Perry, Brad, Trena, and all the volunteers and other awesome folks who put H9 together. I hope to be back, because man is that is a great course!